The Next Stage

Well everything keeps moving on.  Just before The Healing Event on 27^th September I was feeling a bit tired and not my usual self, looking back I think a lot of this was the stress of chasing participants up and getting all the information required for this event.  I felt things were not quite right with how the event was going and was considering passing it on to others but then the Universe stepped in and a couple of people stepped forward to help and lift me spiritually.  Then I started to receive messages from many quarters and I realised that I needed to review how I was operating and allow the Universe once again to point me in the right direction.  So I did this and changed the name for the next event to The Festival of Light which felt absolutely right.

On the 1^st October 2008 after seeing the dietician and realising that my blood glucose had rocketed I decided that I must relent and accept the drug Metformin.  I think this had been assisted by the stress I was putting myself under with the Healing Event. This brought up so many emotions especially anger.  Why anger?  Well I realised that my body was malfunctioning and obviously had been my whole life and was the cause of my severe weight problems. BUT I was not angry because of that, it was obviously something that I had brought with me to battle all my life with.  What I was really angry about were all those people who had given me a hard time by their assumptions and comments about and to me.  A lot of this came right back up to the surface and as it started to remind me how cruel some of my family and other people were to a young girl.  Then I realised all these people knew no better they probably only had their own experiences to guide them and had been programmed by society to think this way.  Maybe some of them they put on weight when they ate too much or consumed the wrong things, thus it was then easy to reduce weight by correcting their diet, or perhaps seeing me could have triggered their own fears for themselves.  The children concerned would have been conditioned by their parents and others close to them into this sort of behaviour. 

I got to a stage years ago when I dealt with my own feelings about my size and decided that I was a pretty decent person and those thoughtless antagonists were not worth being around anyway.  It seemed like a good way to sort people into those who judged by what someone looked like and those who had the ability to see much more deeply into the soul in front of them without judgement, to see who they truly were. I had sorted my emotions and I knew that I was a deeply sincere person who would never knowingly hurt anyone else.  I have actioned everything possible to help myself, psychological health, lifestyle, wholesome food, exercise, spirituality and none of that will be wasted.  It has given me so much knowledge which I can use to help others as well as myself.   One very important factor is that when blood glucose is high you feel hungry because your body needs nutrients which it cannot assimilate.  When blood glucose is normal the appetite in a person on a wholesome diet will also be normal.  There are overweight people out there who feel hungry all the time no matter how much they eat and this is why, so we come back again to how, why, when as well as what we eat plays a huge part in excess weight.

Looking at everything in a different light, maybe all those people with their cruel remarks were put there to help me, to shape my life and thoughts and to take me to where I am today!  My life is great, I am at peace. So perhaps I should be thanking them for their part in my success?  Whatever, it has given me such a deep insight into people and life.  If I had been a normal size, where would I be now?  I don’t think I would have been driven to achieve half of what I have now nor understand life at such a deep level. I could have been one of those tormenters myself.  Now there is a very sobering thought.

November 4th 2008

I am back down to the 9 stone off after battling with a stubborn 7 lbs, I have been on the Metformin for over four weeks after being drug free so a great many years.  My body is being helped although I am suffering a rare symptom so I will just carry on and allow my body to adjust and then see where I am then. I am very hopeful and optimistic.